Ode to an Obsessive Reactionary

[nemorathwald]

Rachel recently noted that I did not try to disappoint my parents during adolescence so I seem to be trying to make up for lost time. :^D Throughout most of my twenties I was really big on family values, permanent commitment, nesting and trying to have bayyybeeez. Settle down? I was born settled down. I might feel differently after I've tried not being settled down for a while, but in the meantime these things leave me cold. Is it early-onset mid-life crisis brought on by late-onset teenage individuation? How long do I have to atone for my pulpit-thumping past, by thumping back?

Perhaps I need to just not care so much anymore. I recall the recent role model of my friend, thatguychuck. I and some friends invited him along to see the movie "Saved!" He pleasantly declined, saying that religious issues are completely off of his radar. He said something like "I just go on with living life and don't obsess." This got me thinking. I have another friend named Tomak who always introduces me with, "This is Matt, he's an atheist." Am I an issue cleverly disguised as a human? Why do people get to know me by saying "I really like you even though you don't believe in God and I sense your rage spilling into the street"? Yikes. Chuck's not religious, but nobody says these things about him. Is that perception just them or really me? Just because it's satisfying to care about something important, and even to get a reputation about it, doesn't mean I can't relax. I hope that one passion will not define me. I'm not too worried about it but it's something to keep in mind when I'm filling out a profile about myself on yet another internet service.

Comments

[brendand.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, Chuck works for a Church/Synagogue combo. :)

Honestly, I don't think I knew that you are an atheist. And Chuck is very laid back. He's also the type to change the subject without people noticing. The thing of it is, the fact that you're posting about it, making an issue out of it only lends more credence to the idea that it matters (to you) what people think of you. I honestly don't think Chuck cares what people think of him. Sure, he would love it if they DO like him, but if they don't, he doesn't see it as an issue. Note the title... "Obsessive Reactionary." It's more the obsessive that's an issue, than anything. (IMO -- not that it's a problem, just what makes you you.)

[matt-arnold.livejournal.com]

It's not just "do they accept me or not?" That's not directly important. It's "once that's ascertained, do they have a good point?" So, I come right out and ask sometimes, Matt's Quality Assurance Satisfaction Questionnaire. In fact, giving other people a fair hearing so that ideas can compete in my mind on a level playing field is the linchpin of my core values. If I want to live in a world where people will stop insulating their minds from legitimate challenge, I can't be hypocritical. An unfortunate side effect is pondering self-evaluation, such as in this livejournal, can occasionally rise to the level of unnecessary second-guessing. Nevertheless, it's rare to find a mirror that can be held up to the soul, more efficiently than the reports of our fellow man. As long as one is careful to evaluate whether the current circles one runs in are providing a distorted funhouse mirror, one should be OK.