Of course love is a chemical. When it comes down to it, everything about all human beings is chemical. The interactions between the different atoms (or pieces of atoms, in the case of the electrical signals that power our nerves) is what makes us go.
And while love between two people may or may not go away, it will certainly change. We are the product of our previous experiences. I am not exactly the same person that I was yesterday, because I have an extra day's worth of experiences and emotions that make up "me". The same is true of my husband. To expect that we will both grow and change in ways that mesh together perfectly is absurd. Sometimes that growth brings two people closer together. Sometimes it takes them further apart. Most times it does both.
In answer to Matt's original question, I do think that a lot of people develop an infatuation with someone who embodies qualities they'd like to have themselves. I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing though, unless it's taken to extremes; if you were to sit down and make a list of all the things you'd like in your ideal mate, you'd probably find that the list has a lot of qualities that you respect and admire. And ultimately, we want to be able to respect and admire ourselves-- if we don't, we end up with huge confidence problems. Infatuations based on those qualities are not terribly problematic unless:
1. The object of the infatuation also has a lot of qualities that you actively dislike, but which you are ignoring because you're focusing on the good qualities. If you're trying to cultivate those good qualities in yourself by being with this person, you're likely going to pick up some of the bad qualities too.
2. The infatuation interferes with you living the rest of your life. Certainly you're going to have a little of that "blending of self" because of the infatuation, but if you leave your spouse to run after someone just because you want to be a better person, you probably need to take a step back and re-evaluate what "a better person" really means to you. And possibly whether you and your spouse have outgrown each other.
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Date: 2005-11-03 03:41 pm (UTC)And while love between two people may or may not go away, it will certainly change. We are the product of our previous experiences. I am not exactly the same person that I was yesterday, because I have an extra day's worth of experiences and emotions that make up "me". The same is true of my husband. To expect that we will both grow and change in ways that mesh together perfectly is absurd. Sometimes that growth brings two people closer together. Sometimes it takes them further apart. Most times it does both.
In answer to Matt's original question, I do think that a lot of people develop an infatuation with someone who embodies qualities they'd like to have themselves. I don't necessarily see it as a bad thing though, unless it's taken to extremes; if you were to sit down and make a list of all the things you'd like in your ideal mate, you'd probably find that the list has a lot of qualities that you respect and admire. And ultimately, we want to be able to respect and admire ourselves-- if we don't, we end up with huge confidence problems. Infatuations based on those qualities are not terribly problematic unless:
1. The object of the infatuation also has a lot of qualities that you actively dislike, but which you are ignoring because you're focusing on the good qualities. If you're trying to cultivate those good qualities in yourself by being with this person, you're likely going to pick up some of the bad qualities too.
2. The infatuation interferes with you living the rest of your life. Certainly you're going to have a little of that "blending of self" because of the infatuation, but if you leave your spouse to run after someone just because you want to be a better person, you probably need to take a step back and re-evaluate what "a better person" really means to you. And possibly whether you and your spouse have outgrown each other.