Burgers Should Be Wide

Now that summer is here, it is time for me to voice this complaint. I just cooked a burger, with cheese, tomato, onion, and pickles. It's all over the floor. Why? Because the manufacturers of these buns and frozen patties made them very thick with a small circumference. Burgers should be wide. Not narrow, not tall, not Dagwood. Wide! Wide is stable. Wide is able to provide a platform for tasty goodness to stay on securely. As you cook a burger patty, it shrinks in circumference and thickens dramatically. A raw burger patty should be a thin sheet when it goes on the grill, or it will become a meatball. Eating it will be a juggling act. The best burger of all time is the Burger King Whopper. Other restaurants think they're making "the best burger", but they're ruining it.