Final Capricon Report

It was a work trip, so I saw no programming, and thus cannot give a fair review of the convention. When I think of Capricon, I think of a cavernous deserted function space, above which are dark, loud, hot rooms crowded with drunk people. That impression is only due to my peculiar set of circumstances. Besides, it only seemed dead because the function space was so much larger than the attendance, which was a perfectly normal number.

What I saw was the parties, which often lack an organized framework of activities. One party, however, featured a Virgin Sacrifice at midnight. The fellow organizing this told me it was a discreet and disguised way to do what is called, in pagan circles, "raising a cone of power" using the energy of newcomers. They were sacrificed to the goddesses of Hedonism, Decadence, and Lust. In unison, we bystanders all recited to the convention newcomers the eight words one should never believe at a convention: "Drink this. It's good for you. Trust me." Ironically, the next thing in the ritual was serving the newcomers to drink from the Cups of Greater Than Certain Doom. Then the three Goddesses took the newcomers to the couches and flogged those who were willing.

Speaking of the eight words, I violated that rule. At Cafe Penguicon last night, I was offered a shot of whiskey. I was about to add it to my coffee, but was informed they should never be combined, because the whiskey lacked a sufficient number of malts. Far be it from me to decline a gift given in such a hospitable spirit, however lacking in the malts department. A malt here, a malt there, who's counting?

A man approached me about purchasing a Penguicon program book ad and paying for a dealer table to go in the hallway, to sell Voice Over I.P. on WiMax-enabled devices. Unfortunately it was a Multi-Level Marketing company. Their website looked just like the most virus-ridden flashy popup ad you have ever seen. I take a lot of criticism for my skepticism, and to mitigate concerns, I've tried to be "tolerant" this year when it comes to people bringing things to Penguicon that I think are complete bunk. But MLM is a line I won't cross. Unlike therapy scams, MLM has no placebo effect, and is not an attendance draw in our community. In MLM, the higher in the hierarchy of profit you get, the more you transition from dupe to victimizer. I will not give that a podium and take their money for it.

I was unable to set up the hall table on Sunday, because as soon as we finished checking out of the Cafe Penguicon room, overthesun needed to leave. He only got about six hours sleep during the four days, and was zonked out.

I hear tell that the Penguicon contingent had a higher-than-normal mojo for being flirted with. That may also have held true for me. On my way out of the convention, one of the three Goddesses -- Hedonism, Decadence, or Lust, I don't know, but she was the cutest one -- disapproved of the toothpaste I was carrying. I am going to go out on a limb here and surmise that Colgate was not an ingredient in the Cups of Greater Than Certain Doom. She may have somewhat flirted with me, depending on how one defines that. Flirting is usually defined more by motives, which are inferred through educated guesses, rather than anything directly perceptible. I think if someone comments vaguely on the tube of toothpaste I am holding, they are reaching for a conversational topic, which suggests an interest in conversation with me for its own sake. In any case, my convention was running on borrowed time, so it was poor timing.