Bulwer-Lytton Contest

Here are the results of this year's Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest to produce the worst opening sentences of imaginary novels. An example:

The day started out as uneventfully as any other, and continued thus to midday and from there it was nothing at all to ease into an evening of numbing, undiluted monotony that survived unmarred by even the least act of momentary peculiarity-in fact, let's skip that day altogether and start with the day after.

Jon Starr
Rumford, ME