nemorathwald (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nemorathwald) wrote2005-11-02 03:02 pm
nemorathwald) wrote2005-11-02 03:02 pm
Cathexis
Recently in talking to someone about a troubling situation they had, I recalled a hypothesis I had once developed. I spent too much time late at night hunting for the file in which I had written it out, so I'll put it here for safekeeping.
"The Road Less Traveled" says that infatuation is sometimes referred to academically with the word "cathexis," which means a softening of boundaries between identities. An infant, for instance, is still developing concepts of itself and the world being independent things. In its mind, they are submerged in each other. This is complete cathexis. The interests of the object of cathexis are difficult to distinguish from one's own interests. This explains why people abuse those they are in love with more easily than strangers, and sacrifice more for them as well. Teenagers are prone to enter states of mild cathexis, which we call infatuation, more easily than adults because they are separating their self-image from their parents and have not yet formed a clear idea of who they want to be.
But adults reinvent themselves as well. For a story containing an example which I found plausible, see the short science fiction story "Fossil Games" by Tom Purdom.
I have an unproven anecdotal hypothesis that a person's view of someone transforms into an infatuation when they are going through an identity shift and the object of infatuation somehow represents the new identity they intend to build. (This can also explain why people sometimes join cults during radical life transitions or in a new environment.) Does this jive with your observations of yourself or those around you?
"The Road Less Traveled" says that infatuation is sometimes referred to academically with the word "cathexis," which means a softening of boundaries between identities. An infant, for instance, is still developing concepts of itself and the world being independent things. In its mind, they are submerged in each other. This is complete cathexis. The interests of the object of cathexis are difficult to distinguish from one's own interests. This explains why people abuse those they are in love with more easily than strangers, and sacrifice more for them as well. Teenagers are prone to enter states of mild cathexis, which we call infatuation, more easily than adults because they are separating their self-image from their parents and have not yet formed a clear idea of who they want to be.
But adults reinvent themselves as well. For a story containing an example which I found plausible, see the short science fiction story "Fossil Games" by Tom Purdom.
I have an unproven anecdotal hypothesis that a person's view of someone transforms into an infatuation when they are going through an identity shift and the object of infatuation somehow represents the new identity they intend to build. (This can also explain why people sometimes join cults during radical life transitions or in a new environment.) Does this jive with your observations of yourself or those around you?
no subject
No, I thought that was a given. My question had to do with change. My hypothesis could be stated inversely: that when someone has an extremely firm self-labeling, and solid sense of who they are, they are not as likely to feel strong romantic feelings as they are during periods of intense change.
no subject
And, to expand the thought a bit, it's not necessarily even how much you like yourself, it's how much you like your life. I like *me* a great deal, but there are certain pieces of my life that I'm tolerating for the long-term effect and hate immensely in the short-term (namely, running a business with my husband, and anything remotely resembling home remodeling). When those pieces of my life take the front burner, I've been known to be briefly infatuated with someone. In my case it's almost always an "escape" fantasy-- running away with the Object of Infatuation Du Jour includes running away from those hated pieces of life, too.
(You did ask if your original question jived with our observations, which is why I did not assume it was a given.)
no subject
From my point of view it would be just as likely that someone with a strong sense of self is as succeptible to falling in love, and it would lead to one of two different scenarios:
1.) The strong personality falls in love with someone with a weaker sense of self and dominates the relationship.
2.) The strong personality runs up against a stronger personallity which completely dissolves the original strong personality ending up in identity crises.
Falling in love is such a chaotic thing that I don't think any model can accurately predict the probability of one person falling in love with another.
I also think that part of the issue here is the mixing up of different models of behavior and the world, and the confusion that ensues from that.