Cathexis

[nemorathwald]

Recently in talking to someone about a troubling situation they had, I recalled a hypothesis I had once developed. I spent too much time late at night hunting for the file in which I had written it out, so I'll put it here for safekeeping.

"The Road Less Traveled" says that infatuation is sometimes referred to academically with the word "cathexis," which means a softening of boundaries between identities. An infant, for instance, is still developing concepts of itself and the world being independent things. In its mind, they are submerged in each other. This is complete cathexis. The interests of the object of cathexis are difficult to distinguish from one's own interests. This explains why people abuse those they are in love with more easily than strangers, and sacrifice more for them as well. Teenagers are prone to enter states of mild cathexis, which we call infatuation, more easily than adults because they are separating their self-image from their parents and have not yet formed a clear idea of who they want to be.

But adults reinvent themselves as well. For a story containing an example which I found plausible, see the short science fiction story "Fossil Games" by Tom Purdom.

I have an unproven anecdotal hypothesis that a person's view of someone transforms into an infatuation when they are going through an identity shift and the object of infatuation somehow represents the new identity they intend to build. (This can also explain why people sometimes join cults during radical life transitions or in a new environment.) Does this jive with your observations of yourself or those around you?

Comments

[eternalmaiden.livejournal.com]

I think this could have been almost the entire basis of my last relationship. I think I loved her so much, so fast because I want to cultivate in myself a lot of her personality traits. I hadn't thought of it that way at all. As soon as I read this, it kind of clicked. So take that as you may.

[sarahmichigan.livejournal.com]

This matches up with a theory in counseling psychology that when people commit marital infidelity, especially during a "midlife crisis," they often pick someone to have the affair with who embodies character traits that the cheater wants for him/herself.

[rachelann1977.livejournal.com]

In a lot of ways, I would say that I am trying to reinvent myself using Chuck as a model now.

In my case, I don't consider this unhealthy. I think the value of this practice must be determined on case-by-case basis, if you will. I have a really hard time socially. Chuck does, too, but not anywhere near as much as I do. So I am following his lead in terms of finding ways to be involved with people who share my interests, and trying to be less self-critical when things don't work out like I'd hoped.

I think his lack of social anxiety is part of what attracted me to him in the first place.

Still, there's a saying in psychology that every disorder is merely an exaggeration of normal behavior. I think you're on to something, but you've yet to define at what point such behavior becomes "disordered" as opposed to the way people normally seek mates. What makes the difference between infatuation and love?

[phecda.livejournal.com]

A good match up includes someone whose traits complement yours, so yes, this makes sense on some levels, at least so far as attraction goes. People who are too similar don't make good life partners, if all your strengths and weaknesses are the same. Still, I don't think it explains everything involved with attraction -- what about parental role models, physical preferences, etc.? This sounds more like the root causes of idolization.

[treebones.livejournal.com]

It isn't actually a requirement, but the risk of it happening *is* significantly higher.