Nightmares

[nemorathwald]

Ever since I realized how close Andy's departure to PCC loomed, I've been waking white-knuckled and shaking from dreams which always ended either in tears or explosive rage. Andy and I and my friend samuraijkm (a fellow PCC refugee) are climbing a maze of traps. A platform collapses and Andy falls into a bottomless pit. If you have any loved ones at all, you can probably imagine that my reaction was not a calm one. The dreams are always different, but easy to understand. I'm going to keep a close eye on PCC while my brother is there. So, it's like I'm dragged back to a horrible episode of my life I had happily left behind.

This week I went to our parents' house to drop off the Hellboy trade paperback Andy loaned me. Dad found it and confronted Andy about having bought it. This time he used a gently imploring tone which he's been practicing ever since wulfthestampede and I stopped listening to anything he has to say. Dad realized he can't influence his kids just by demanding that they respect him. Considering that Andy leaves the nest this week, it's obviously too little too late. Andy has a adult's grip on reality that my dad will not shake-- but perhaps the military-school atmosphere of PCC will have better luck brainwashing him. Andy distinguishes reality from fantasies like Hellboy with a little thing we adults who live in the real world call "make believe." In this regard he is light-years ahead of our parents at the tender age of 18. After the confrontation, I went in and fished Hellboy out of the trash and said to Andy, "Unless you want to put up with four years of that, go to an excellent veterinary school like MSU. Do either one if that's what you really want. That's all I'm going to say."

What I should have done was confronted Dad by telling him I know lots of real-life witches and they're no worse than he is. In fact they're the same gullible fools that my parents are. Before the neopagans get all over my case about criticizing (which I will not retract), understand my point, that my parents need to hear and consider that in the eyes of their adult son who knows them well, they are the same as witches on the crackpot fringe of society. Now is the turning point in my brother's life as it was in mine, and I need to give my parents and PCC the tooth-and-claw fight of their miserable lives. So many PCC students stay there under the illusion that they would have nowhere else to turn. I need to start raising funds for plane fare home for Andy. A cash bucket on a table, with his picture and a sign reading "help give a second chance to someone in thrall to crackpot loons by an accident of birth!" I need to start hunting for scholarships and grants for him. I need to get an extra bed and set it up at my place for him. I need to start organizing an underground railroad for PCC students. I am going to FIGHT for my siblings!

Comments

[babykinsmi.livejournal.com]

As the oldest of four children, I can relate to your need to take care of and 'protect' your younger siblings, especially if you experienced the same thing and don't want them to make the same mistake as you did.

Donating

[twoofdtm.livejournal.com]

When it comes time for your brother to come home when he's ready I will help you get him home Matt. I promise you this.

Righteous Anger

[cosette-valjean.livejournal.com]

I can't believe your father threw away your brother's property. How manipulative and controlling. No respect whatsoever. I will help with what I can if your brother wants to come home. He should not have to be afraid to live life how he would wish. I think I could help search the web for grants and scholarships. Everytime you talk to him remind him there are other ways and other paths. I think you should confront your parents if only to disallusion them from thinking that you are following in their footsteps. Of course, I don't think yelling is the solution, but I think it would be healthy to express you anger. I will add more later.

Continued...

[cosette-valjean.livejournal.com]

I'm back. I think you should tell your parents of your anger and frustration and the reasons why (i.e. injustice, manipulation, no logic or reasoning, etc.). Fight the good fight. Open your brother's eyes and help your parents have a dose of reality in their make-believe world. Make sure your brother knows that he has you and others to rely upon when he changes his mind. I think it will help him to know that there is support. Intense conversation can still be a loving experience as long as the decibles don't get too high. Your parents should realize how loopy they are. They think they are model citizens.

[treebones.livejournal.com]

I'm an MSU alum. Would you like me to start mining for information specific to both the vet school and scholarships?

Does Andy have any particular skills, sports, or high test scores that might prove helpful? Does he have any particular animal or disease interests in relation to veterinary medicine?

Hrm. Actually, I've got a moderate Christian friend who graduated from the MSU vet school...should I dig him up for possible networking purposes?

[matt-arnold.livejournal.com]

Please put me in touch with your friend! Andy raises a lot of reptiles and amphibians and reads about it a lot. That's his interest of specialty, "herpetology." He gets lots of prizes in sports and academics, which I'll quiz him about tonight. Also he's an avid fan of science fiction and enjoyed attenting Penguicon (what an auspicious sign)!

I am currently rubbing my temples and experimenting with beaming the feeling of my intense gratitude straight into your brain. Feel anything? :)

[babykinsmi.livejournal.com]

I am a little suprised that he didn't go to MI State. Heck, he would do fine if he went to Macomb Comm college or any other comm. college first and then transfer. It would be cheaper, he could live at home, and he can work anywhere in town. But that is just my opinion. Hey, you're gonna have to take the Basic English and Math classes no matter where you go.

[treebones.livejournal.com]

Oh, is *that* what the buzzing was? (:

I'll start hunting David. It's been several years since we've been in touch, but I figure I should be able to find him either via the MSU Vet School, or the Baptist group we used to both belong to. (:

For future plans...

[phecda.livejournal.com]

While it's not set in stone, Lady Sarah and I will be a half day drive from PCC in mid-december. I would be happy to do an extraction of your brother at that time if required. And after 16 hours of Luke Ski and Grateful Dead on the way home, he should be fairly deprogrammed. ;-)

Keep me posted. I have frequent flyer miles, too.

Re: For future plans...

[matt-arnold.livejournal.com]

Thanks Phecda!

PCC gives students a long Christmas break because they don't give any other breaks such as Spring break. So, that might be the time his semester ends. I don't know. This maneuver might come in handy as a card up our sleeve with the element of surprise... I'll bring it up with him in November and let you know.

Wow, 16 hours of Luke and the Grateful Dead. The mind reels. Especially if I could name a Grateful Dead song.

Re: For future plans...

[boosterbaby.livejournal.com]

Matt---

Has Andy considered applying for a Pell grant? It's easy to apply for, and since it's a grant, he won't have to pay it back. That's what I did to go back to school, and they gave me 4x as much as I expected. It covers one year, and you reapply each year for a new one.

If he begins to run into trouble at PCC, go to fafsa.ed.gov to get things started.

[wulfthestampede.livejournal.com]

i cant blame never going to college on anyone but myself, but (slightly) in my defense, christian colleges were really the only option shown me....fortunately right around the end of elementary school/beginning of junior high i had begun to free my mind from the whole christian thing, and by the time they sent my classmates and i on (christian)college trips i was like "F**K THIS!!" it was just more of the same crap i had suffered through for years....having said all that, lets maybe not demonize my mommy and daddy so much, pwetty pleeeease??!?!? maybe theyre misguided (maybe not? probably?) but they really do care for their kiddies. imagine u truly believed that the end result of mohawks and face-piercings and marilyn manson concerts was eternal darnation...everythings going smoothly, and then one day yer amazingly handsome second-born goes "HEY!! i dont believe in god!! i have drugs to do, and girls to screw, so maybe ill see ya in two years!!" u can see how that would kinda..u know..f**k things up a little bit.....im sure andy, and sarah have been under a more watchful eye since then.....em too, for a bit...maybe the pressure was on not to let them stray too far, cuz i went off the frikken deep end. i dunno. but i do know that i was (am?)the BLACKEST of all black sheep, and they still love me.....anysway, ill chip in if he needs a ticket home from the land of pink and blue sidewalks. and he can borrow my comics when he comes out to cali to visit!! but u cant, matt, cuz u always leave them at mom and dads, and i never see them again! LOL!!!

[matt-arnold.livejournal.com]

They do love us. But take anybody who gets written against in a Jack Chick tract and they love their children too, which was my point of bringing that up. And not to say that both types are equally wise and judicious parents, but that they're equally UNFIT. The minute the kids of either set of parents have finished packing their bags, they need to look at their parents and say "sure they love me and have good intentions but I'm obviously cast on my own resources anyway." Because you know what? I expect more than good intentions from authorities and leaders who stand up behind pulpits or who have little kids who need some SOUND JUDGEMENT from the people in charge. The "demonization" isn't about a lack of love, it's a lack of honesty and integrity called faith. What do you think our childhood would have been like if our parents plan for their lives had not involved 1-800-GODS-WILL plugged straight into their brains, "bow your head and close your eyes" as if it were the psychic friends network? Maybe we would have avoided the corn-fed heartland? Sure they did their best in the past, but I'm looking at the present, and saying "No more. My respect and tolerance for this practice from authorities ends here."

Powerlessness

[matt-arnold.livejournal.com]

i cant blame never going to college on anyone but myself, but (slightly) in my defense, christian colleges were really the only option shown me....
This is so true. I remember what it was like. As a jobless young adult without self-reliant resourcefulness, I felt powerless. "Powerlessness" is the theme of this whole story. It comes about this way: Andy will be constantly encouraged in sermons to back up his life decisions as if they were beamed straight into his head by Perfection Personified, whose inerrant and infallible transmissions are held beyond question. In other words, self-reliance will be discouraged, creating an illusion of powerlessness. "God is my pilot, Jesus is my co-pilot, the Holy Spirit is my navigator and I'm asleep in the back seat." Which is fine if you want to end up in the tool-and-die business out of charity from your wife's relatives, but it does not get you into veterinary medicine.

So the next step in ruining our lives through helplessness is looking for God's will. When a person who prays and studies the bible feels several contradictory mental impulses from it, none of which contradict scripture, how could you even tell which one is truly "God's will"? How do students get this leading and guidance in answer to their prayers which they are supposed to be looking for? Well, it's not difficult to conjecture how they do it, because I can't count how many PCC grads told me the only reason they stayed was that without their support network (which was their parents and their church) they had nowhere else to turn. The life before adult responsibilities (in this I include those adults, falsely so called, who hand over those responsibilities to a god or goddess) is like a twig floating down a river, going with the flow. The flow is the support structure: the collective group. In college I interpreted my circumstances as my direct revelation so I wouldn't have to do the hard work of figuring out the most effective path to my goals. It was a seductive prospect, the opportunity to extend childhood and hold off the time when I would be thrown out of the nest and have to take care of myself. In my senior year it became very clear to me there is no contract between society and young people, "get a diploma and we'll have to give you a job." By then I had invested so much of myself, and especially of other people, that I felt obligated to go on and complete the dead-end track I was on.

[sothisislife.livejournal.com]

I'm in for at least five bucks for the "bring Andy home" fund, when the time comes =)

[bluehamster98.livejournal.com]

/me has never heard a good thing about PCC, and expects not to

I'll also donate frequent flier miles, and (if I can) other funds to the "Bring Andy Home" fund.

-Karen

[shadowriderhope.livejournal.com]

When the time comes to collect for plane fare, let me know - I'd like to help. Sounds like a terrible thing, and I'm glad you're there to fight for him!

[matt-arnold.livejournal.com]

Thank you Hope!