In answer to Matt's original question, I do think that a lot of people develop an infatuation with someone who embodies qualities they'd like to have themselves."

No, I thought that was a given. My question had to do with change. My hypothesis could be stated inversely: that when someone has an extremely firm self-labeling, and solid sense of who they are, they are not as likely to feel strong romantic feelings as they are during periods of intense change.