I told him at the time that if I see she's upset, I'd say to her, "You OK?" and I'd listen; and then I'd say "Anything I can do?" That tells her that I care about her happiness. It doesn't ask her for a performance of happiness for me to enjoy, which is what he did.
If the genders were reversed, it would be different, because the words have a different context based on cultural expectations. Men are not seen as having an obligation to be cheerful. In our culture, women are valued for being desirable, and men are valued for being necessary. We expect them to serve non-optional roles for someone, like protector, or provider. That's what men tend to say in their suicide notes when they are too old to do that.
The person who is indispensable is always the person who is in charge. The guy in this story has repeatedly put himself into the chivalrous role: the rescuer; the one who puts "ladies first", regardless of her wishes. He did not realize this obligates this to her, whether she wants to be obligated to him or not. There is always a price she'll pay for being put in the rescued role. What Wyndsung did in that story was to not let him establish those roles.
There was no payback, no revenge on him. This story didn't take anything from him to give to her; it held him in place and prevented her sinking, while she rose.
no subject
If the genders were reversed, it would be different, because the words have a different context based on cultural expectations. Men are not seen as having an obligation to be cheerful. In our culture, women are valued for being desirable, and men are valued for being necessary. We expect them to serve non-optional roles for someone, like protector, or provider. That's what men tend to say in their suicide notes when they are too old to do that.
The person who is indispensable is always the person who is in charge. The guy in this story has repeatedly put himself into the chivalrous role: the rescuer; the one who puts "ladies first", regardless of her wishes. He did not realize this obligates this to her, whether she wants to be obligated to him or not. There is always a price she'll pay for being put in the rescued role. What Wyndsung did in that story was to not let him establish those roles.
There was no payback, no revenge on him. This story didn't take anything from him to give to her; it held him in place and prevented her sinking, while she rose.