nemorathwald (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nemorathwald) wrote2010-10-06 11:22 pm
nemorathwald) wrote2010-10-06 11:22 pm
Passive-Aggressive Control
My friend Craig came out as gay on Facebook. Some of his friends are from his religious community. They said God loves him even though he's a sinner.
Craig said some stirring words about his struggle. I wish I could copy and paste them here, but it was his space and he asked me to take it to mine.
Some there said this was no time for a religious debate. They could not be more wrong. There is no better time to expose a system of manipulation than when that manipulation is exercised. If I let them get their passive-aggressive licks in on Craig, I would not be standing up for him.
Craig's religious friends are pawns in a system of control. Just because they are not at the top of the hierarchy of power doesn't mean the system doesn't use its pawns to exert pressure. When you are successfully manipulated by the system, it makes you part of it.
The friendship and love approach is passive-aggressive manipulation. They'll tell you God loves you even though you are doing something wrong. Notice how the passivity disarms you, so you can't fight back against the false accusation.
Do so anyway.
In the film "Milk", we saw a familiar scene. A legislator stands on the capitol steps to explain why he opposed equal rights for homosexuals. Like so many Americans, God said it, he believes it, and that settles it. That was a cop-out for just being flat-out wrong. Like so many others, that legislator described his faith as in a direct conflict with facts. When a person of faith sets up that conflict, their concept of faith must lose. We must point out the cop-out. Not compromise. Not reconciliation. Not truce. Just "your faith is a cop-out and I don't hold God responsible for your stance, I hold you responsible for your stance". Throw down passive-aggressive control by exposing it until you smite its ruin on the fucking mountaintop!* We are not done until they dread us ringing their doorbell to testify on Saturday morning about how they're talking like dicks.
This whole country should call off the truce at family dinner. Just politely, calmly explain the system of control they are taking part in. They will act like you're the rude one. But be unflinching. "This is not about God," you explain, "This is between you and me. The problem is not with some abstraction in heaven. It's with you."
If you're mad about the recent suicides of gay teens, that is something you can do about it.
*I shouldn't have to say this, but of course this is a metaphor.
Craig said some stirring words about his struggle. I wish I could copy and paste them here, but it was his space and he asked me to take it to mine.
Some there said this was no time for a religious debate. They could not be more wrong. There is no better time to expose a system of manipulation than when that manipulation is exercised. If I let them get their passive-aggressive licks in on Craig, I would not be standing up for him.
Craig's religious friends are pawns in a system of control. Just because they are not at the top of the hierarchy of power doesn't mean the system doesn't use its pawns to exert pressure. When you are successfully manipulated by the system, it makes you part of it.
The friendship and love approach is passive-aggressive manipulation. They'll tell you God loves you even though you are doing something wrong. Notice how the passivity disarms you, so you can't fight back against the false accusation.
Do so anyway.
In the film "Milk", we saw a familiar scene. A legislator stands on the capitol steps to explain why he opposed equal rights for homosexuals. Like so many Americans, God said it, he believes it, and that settles it. That was a cop-out for just being flat-out wrong. Like so many others, that legislator described his faith as in a direct conflict with facts. When a person of faith sets up that conflict, their concept of faith must lose. We must point out the cop-out. Not compromise. Not reconciliation. Not truce. Just "your faith is a cop-out and I don't hold God responsible for your stance, I hold you responsible for your stance". Throw down passive-aggressive control by exposing it until you smite its ruin on the fucking mountaintop!* We are not done until they dread us ringing their doorbell to testify on Saturday morning about how they're talking like dicks.
This whole country should call off the truce at family dinner. Just politely, calmly explain the system of control they are taking part in. They will act like you're the rude one. But be unflinching. "This is not about God," you explain, "This is between you and me. The problem is not with some abstraction in heaven. It's with you."
If you're mad about the recent suicides of gay teens, that is something you can do about it.
*I shouldn't have to say this, but of course this is a metaphor.
no subject
The people who confronted your friend, they missed the first point. They probably aren't aware that they did.
As for homosexuality being a sin, I can't really say. Given the rarity of its mention in scripture, as opposed to other issues like taking care of the poor, the sick and the oppressed, I've always looked at it as a non-issue. For most mainstream churches, it is a non-issue. I've heard exactly one member of the clergy speak against homosexuality, and that was in the context of somebody who was knowingly spreading HIV. If your friend's homosexuality isn't hurting anybody, I find it rather difficult to see that it could be a sin.
no subject
Of course, it probably wasn't decent of Matt to say your christian beliefs are akin to a hallmark greeting card, but perhaps you've run into each other on this before.
Either way, I don't think any speculation on what the denouncers intended is valid - we're not them. Just like I'm not really going to go into someone speaking out about homosexuality "in the context of someone knowingly spreading HIV." I'm not sure if you're aware of the conflation here, but he might as well be speaking out about the sin of being African-American.